


Your my Wonderwall

by FlandusLover1



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, Parenthood, dont know what to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlandusLover1/pseuds/FlandusLover1
Summary: Saw a video of when Katie told Rae she was bringing the gang down.She doesn't get to kiss Finn in this one. It's a different take on afterwards.Rae goes into a deep dark place can Finn and the gang make her believe them can Finn win her back
Relationships: Archie (My Mad Fat Diary)/Original Male Character(s), Chloe Gemmel/Original Character(s), Izzy/Chop Peters, Rae Earl/Finn Nelson
Kudos: 6





	Your my Wonderwall

"I'm hate to be the one to say it and I'm sure if you knew ya was doin it ya wouldnt, but ya problems there bringing him down Rae..he to nice a guy to say anything...they all are!" 

Wishing her words weren't real but my brain knows its true.. Katie acts like she was my friend but I see now shes not here for me..

"Its like your the one with all the wounds but there the ones with all the pain!" 

"Wha like I'm some kind if Voodoo doll?" 

She tries to reply I just didnt wanna hear anymore of what I already knew slamming her car door storming off replaying her words over and over again. 

It all made since now I'm the one who caused the accident that almost took chloe life, I'm the one who forced Archie to come out, I'm the one caused Tix to collapse by not showing up to our Dinner the one that I could have gotten her to eat at, I'm the one who caused me dad to leave ma mum...No wonder Finn broke up me he said we should take a break but I know it was him breaking up with me, I think he has been trying to find a way out for awhile he may have said he loved me and wanted me to move in but as soon as he finds out I got accepted he thinks we should take a break, I am the gangs VooDoo doll I'm my mum's Voodoo doll scraping my hands down the brick wall wasnt cutting it anymore I didnt deserve to live they would all be so much better off if I had never been in their lives..maybe.

Dear Diary

This will be my last entry Katie was right I am bringing everyone down especially Finn and my mum I am the one who's causing all their pain and frustration. I dont mean to but its just who I am I guess I writing this Diary so whoever's finds this knows it's not their fault.

Finn he'll move on quickly to someone who's deserving of him someone without baggage someone who's fitter someone beautiful inside and out not bleak and black like me.

Chloe she'll heal perfectly master her A levels and go on to be the amazing women I know she is..I almost got my best mate killed shes needs one who is better 

Archie hes so smart he'll do fine at Uni hell marry a amazing man and live happily 

Izzy shes so full of love and life shes the true glue to the gang shell to wonderful things

Chop hes so kind hearted and hes got the love of Izzy hell so fine

Mum...she has Karim and my baby sister she cant finally have the perfect daughter and the perfect family she deserves I love them so much and I'll miss them.

I guess Diary I'm ok with this decision I've lived way last my prime. I'm loved a amazing kind Man I had the most amazing friends and I finally got in a good place with me mum. I hope when I go the best memories I had with Finn will stay with me. The good times with the Gang the first time I seen my sister..I just cant get those words out of my head cause I know its true 

"Your bringing him down Rae hes to nice a guy to say anything..they all are!" "Its like your the one with the wounds their the one with the pain!"

I agree I'm a Voodoo doll and I will no longer be the pain in their lives I love them all to much to do that..I never wanted to go to Uni I'm not ready but even going their I would just become someone else's Voodoo doll.

The strange dream I had when big g car nipped me even tho Finn was visiting my grave I have always wished what he had hoped for us would come true "I've always seen us co hosting a radio show..only good tunes..No crap F.M!" He had said and that's truly what I wanted but Finn is so brilliant he'll still do that one day Finn didnt need Uni to tell him hes amazing he already is.

So diary this is goodbye and whoever's finds this and reads this I am sorry your reading this..this is not my suicide note simply my thoughts before I go where I should have along time ago when I cut myself..

For the gang and my mum

Be happy, be healthy, love unconditionally and always stay together! 

Tears running down my face I didnt bother wiping them off I went to the medicine cabinet where I knew mum left over pain pills from her surgery still where..I ran a bath with scalding hot water I didnt wanna feel anything but pain which is what I deserved while the tub filled I shook out the last of the pain pills 15. This should do the trick, looking up I notice mum sleeping meds I grabbed 3 of those aswell why not.

Grabbing the sink I took a breath as my eyes got drowsy stepping into the tub I didnt both holding myself up it burned worse than I have ever felt but I deserved it I dont know how long it been but I knew I could no longer keep my eyes open closing them as I felt my body slide deeper into the scalding water until it was nothing but darkness and peace.

Chloe POV

Looking our the Windows of my hospital room waiting for the gang to get back I couldnt help but be worried I had overhead the nurses talking about the "big" girl who had tried to come see me but me mum refused I even found out shes the only one not allowed to come see, the gang said they made a joke about not letting Rae organize a pot luck again they mentioned that all had a laughs at the pub before coming but Rae had left early I know Finn looks worried he admitted to me that he had asked her why was she acting mental and that he had said they should be a break he said he just didnt want her choosing to stay for him he didnt want to hold her back.

I'm currently down on the bottom floor so I get to see new patients admitted there trying to open a room for me in recovery but I dont mind here I get to see the world around me , sighing I wish Rae would answer her phone I had tried to call her 3 times now and no answer I wish I knew where she was I know shes blaming herself.

Having me eyes close only lasted a couple minutes as a commotion outside my room drew my attention there were a bunch of doctors and nurses running around then I saw it a gernie evening rushed by a doctor doing CPR it wasnt until they were almost pasted my window that I caught it the raven hair of the girl I love so much I didnt wanna believe it was her but seeing her mum and Karim rushing by in tears left no room for arguement Something had happened to Rae bursting to tears knowing she had done it herself.

"That what I'm saying mate a on call room is the sexiest place in this joint image all those nurses and doctor getting busy all the time! I..." 

Chops words was cut off once they looked at me I didnt know how to tell them what I saw I couldnt catch my breath and knew i was having a panic attack a nurse rushed in trying to calm me and ask me what upset me with trembling lips I whispered what I could

"Rae..CPR..oh gawd!" The silence in the room was deafening the gang had heard me Archie immediately went to the phone trying to reach Rae but I knew she was breathing not even 2 minutes ago trying to get my breath under control I whispered again "my mate was the one on the gernie please tell me shell be ok!" Everyone including the nurse gasped I tried not to look around but noticed the fear and tears in there eyes.

The nurse gave me something to calm me down but at that point I didnt want to speak at all the gang was silence for once Finn was frozen with tears in his eyes rocking back and forth Chop was holding Izzy Archie had went to the desk to ask about her they told him they'll inform Linda hes now sat holding my hand with his shaking ones.

I guess the nurses knew we weren't leaving until we heard about Rae cuas they didnt kick them out after visiting hours what felt like years Linda walked in with tears in her eyes holding Rae's diary she held her hand up and I hoped that meant Rae was alive.

"She um..she's in ICU..can one if you please tell me who the fuck Katie is and where u can find her!"

"Mrs Bouchtat what happened..katie was the college recruiter Rae was talking to!" Replied Archie

"Well that twit is bout to get a face full if me fist she is the reason my baby girl downed a bunch of pain pills and sleeping pills and layed in a bath full of scalding water until her skin blistered and she stopped breathing! She talked Rae horrible things made her think she was a Voodoo doll and causing all yall pain and that yall was just to nice to say anything, she told me baby bird that she was bringing all yall down especially you Finn! So no I want that Twat right now! You know she wrote a diary entry she said this wasnt her goodbye note just her explain its was no ones fault she just didnt want to bring anyone else down..I've got to go right now but I leave this head for yall to see for yourself!"

She layed her diary on my lap before storming off the tears had never stopped coming so with shaky hands I I opened to the last entry began reading it outloud the gang was in tears but Finns was more his small whimpers broke all our hearts. Reading what Katie had told Rae I can see where her head had went smiling strangely enough the love she still showed us in her darkest moments was amazing she truly did love all us and she really was deeply in love with Finn.

Slowly the tears turned from sorrow to anger if my mum had allowed Rae to see me I could have talked her out of this, Archie had called Gary to come get Finn the hospital was now kicking them out and none if wanted Finn alone at the moment.

FINN POV

'I'm there voodoo doll'  
'There better off without me'  
' he deserves someone better' 

No Rae oh gawd Rae! My brain couldnt comprehend the fact that I didnt see this happening I didnt think when I asked her why was she acting Mental I didnt think when I asked for a break she would think I was using it as a out . 

Numbly walking toward the family waiting room in the ICU I wasnt leaving I think me da knew that as he showed up with a brew sitting beside me silently getting comfortable as the tears flowed freely, he just grabbed my shoulder giving it a supportive squeeze I'm guessing Archie had filled him in on what had happened I'm thankful I dont thinking could have spoken those words.

My beautiful strong smart girl tried to take her life tonight and none of us saw or noticed what was happening it got me thinking what else hadn't wr see before.

I knew our first break up was because she couldnt be seen naked and we worked through that alot but that's all we covered 

'People must think your mad going out with that'

'I'm a 4 and your a 11'

'You should be going out with people like stacey's

Suddenly all those things made sense shes never thought she was good enough for me well that Bollocks it's me who doesnt deserve her!

Linda must have seen how much I love her daughter bless her she put me and my da on the family list so we could sit with her days turned to weeks and she still wasnt awake the doctor said her body was take the time to rest and recuperate.

I started making Mix tapes when I was forced to leave so linda and Karim could visit I even started writing letters to Rae so when she wakes up she'll be able to read them or I will read them to her if my words escape me. I even started session with Kester working on me speech problems I didnt want me not being able to say the things i want to not be a problem anymore! 

The gang came around to get updates and once she was moved to recovery they stopped in to visit longer they knew I had kept her diary rereading that entry over and over again I even read the whole thing needing to know what I missed and what I could do to fix it my girl deserved the best so that's what I'm going to be. After reading her entries my I insecurity lessen knowing she loved me just as much as I loved her I just had to make her believe it that's why Kester had suggested I write the letter which I've kept in a journal starting the day of her accident my thought at the pub my thoughts on the whole we need a break thing everything i wrote down no matter how cheesy it sounded or how dirty it was my girl needed to see that she meant everything to me.

I've taken to sleeping in Rae bed when I was forced to leave the hospital I needed her smell around me, it broke my heart to see her packed bad I had so carelessly handed back to her that night I didnt think I just brought back to me Flat and unpacked it if I have it my way shell be back here with me I even started talking to the radio shows hoping that when she got better we could do No crap F.M it warmed me heart knowing we had the same dream but it broke me heart that I didn't see it until now.

Walking into the hospital the gang and I was chatting away with things we hoped to all do together including Rae this is the first time Chloe gets to visit not in a wheel chair or hospital gown , linda met us at the hallway door with a grim look we all gulped

"Shes awake woke early this mornin,she doesnt want visitors I'm sorry guys I've been playing the mix takes your made get her a Finn she smiled but that's about it, I dont know how to make her believe!"

"Please just let me in I know shell be mad but us giving up on seeing her is only gonna make her believe it even more I gotta show her!" I begged 

She nodded mumbling something bout her and Karim going to her breakfast once she walked away I let the gang go first I heard her cries trying to stop me own I waited for what I needed to say I didn't want audience I was willing to bed this girl!

The gang left about 30 mins later giving me a supportive sad smile patting me on me back taken a deep breath I walked in ignorned her protest and closed the door 

"Right listen here women I told you along time ago you dont get to tell me who I can and cant Fance well you cant tell me who I can or cant love alright I fucking love you Rae with all me heart and reading that entry tore me into two knowing you thought what I said was me finding me out naw girl that was me not wanting to hold you back but was scared to suggest a long distance relationship scared that once you went to uni you would find smart better guy well dammitt you deserve better but I'm a selfish lad I deserve your and you deserve me and I've called around whenever you ready we got us a spot on Linchire radio co hosting there newest segment Rae and Finns No crap F.M so dont sit there and tell me your dont love me dont sit there and tell me I'm better off read the whole things I've read your so you need to read mine that all me thoughts so you'll know your me world Rae read those then give me a call cause I fucking love you Mae! And I'm you selfish to let ya go."

With that I walked up to her banded her me journal gave her a kiss on the corner of her mouth and walked out before I backed out of it I couldnt believe I has said that much or talked to her like that I need a smoke bad.

Rae pov

Tears streaming down me face after Finn left she didnt miss the bangs and bruises under his eyes or how he looked like she felt with shaky hands began reading the journal 

'Wha the fuck was you think finn Metal did you really just say that! The look on her face oh gawd why did I say that I just wanted her back in my arms'

'Fucking break what a twat move I love her so much this is killing me. But I cant let her stay back for just me I want to go with her, I want to marry her I want to be more than her but instead of saying that I said we need to take a break wow'

'FUCKING KATIE! if I was a women I would be showing her just how I feel right now did she really think I would go to her after Rae! Did she really think I could move on to anyone else of Rae didnt make! I told her all this and to stay the fuck away from Rae and I and the gang'

'Shes so beautiful even when shes sleeps my beautiful girl's

'I'm so sick..I'm getting a chubby while sitting in a hospital room cause Rae is moving around more now a small moan escaped her and she lifted her leg causing the blanket to shift and expose that creamy flesh I was run my hands, eyes, mouth and tongue along with stop it Finn shes unconscious you dift'

I'm so messed up rubbing one out in her bed replaying the moans that escaped her lips'

'I took the necklace back out again me nan told me to only give to the women I'm so in love with I cant live without it was the same necklace I had intended to give Rae the day I stupidly asked for a break'

'I've got to find the right words I'm to selfish not to fight for her shes my world's

'Rae would be mighty pissed she heard the nurses playing boyzone album'

So many pages filled but those stick out the most to whr some made her laugh some made her smile other make her cry when she got to the end there was a page full 

Girl  
Reread all this over and over again until you believe me I love you with all me heart Rae, your my everything I love you smarts, your wit,your humor,your beautifully sexy body I just wanna ravish all the time I love everything about you! Please forgive me come back to me cause I'm lost with ya girl

Love   
Your Finley 

She smiled through the tears as she caressed the page and picture he attached it was her favorite she could see it the love in his eyes   
This picture shes sitting on a wall with Finn between her legs forehead pressed together his hand on her cheek and the other wrapped in her hair Izzy had snapped that photo of them.

It took some time and alot of talked but 3 months after the incident shes was going home in the arms of the love of her life with the best friends a girl could ask for, by home she means Her and Finns Flat the following week they started at the radio station Rae didnt accept Bristol instead a community uni that was only 30 mins away and a block from the radio station she even convinced Finn to take some classes so he would go to work at the garage until 4 get off the school with her until 7 then the would both head to the radio station until 11 both having the weekend to each other.

A year later Fin proposed to rae while at Knebworth finally able to take his girl to go see Oasis that night Finn made love to her while they played there closing son Wonderwall.

They got married 6 months later on the anniversary of the day Rae woke up and just 3 months after that Rae surprised Finn with the announcement she was expecting.

They went to chop and Izzy wedding/baby shower/birth it was a crazy day but Izzy didnt wanna give birth without being married so 12 hours after saying I do. Isaac Arnold Peter's was introduced into the world.

Chloe surprised us all by staying single becoming a lawyer and women rights activist, she also was a gay rights activist and dont the most amazing thing for Archie.

Archie fell in love with a man named Aaron reeds they were engaged and had a small just friends ceremony within a year Chloe had surprised them by saying there wedding gift was she was gonna be a surrogate for them.

10 months later Lexi Rae Reeds was born just as pound as her name sake, we was all surprised when they announced her name having thought they were have Chloes name but Chloe explained Rae really was the glue she helped Chloe see her truth worth she also helped Archie see he should hide his truth self so they agreed shes should have her godmothers name oh did I mention Finn and I are godparents.

If you would have told me 4 years ago I would be sitting here in a hospital bed holding my son smiling lovely at my sexy husband holding our daughter while our bestfriend was sharing the moment I would have asked you if you was mental.but Finn says it was fate.

Exactly 4 years ago I first met the gang and the man who I come to love with all mind,body heart and soul July 10 1996

Today July 10 2000 I gave birth to our son Nico Charlie Nelson we both liked Nico and I wanted him to have Fin middle name he was his father made over 

2 minutes later our beautiful daughter was born with raven hair and green eyes Ryleigh Mae Nelson.

It was a right surprise to be having twins but we were so over joyed to even think about the tough time ahead of us we had decided that with twins that just one set of godparents wasnt enough so as Finn told the gang they were the Godparents there were in tears.

Its funny just fours years so much had changed but yet stayed the same Finn and I were married with two beautiful children still hosting a Radio show that now was huge with a big fan following, Chop and Izzy was married with a handsome son Chop one owned the garage and Izzy a small boutique that was just as or5as she was. Chop surprised us with asking Finn and Archie to be co owners with him stating it's the gangs spot Finn was amazing as working on anything with wheels and Archie was a math wizard so Archie came to do the books and Finn went to help on cars when he could.

Chloe had her own practice now and was partners with Aaron where Chloe dealt with abused victims Aaron dealt with Family law I was there assistant from time to time.

Chloe had finally met the man of her dreams a Detective on one of her cases Colin Macmanus was a irish fellow but was so head over heels for her we new it was just a matter of time!

They got married a year later just 2 weeks after the twins second birthday and annoyed they were adopting a 2 year old boy named Oliver from one of Colin's cases.

4 months later Chloe found out she was expecting.

Having our children growing up is a dream the gang 2.0 as we call them

The best decision I ever made was going to that Pub to meet the gang


End file.
